January / regulation
for who the moods are plenty <3
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Happy new year, beautiful human.
Starting this month, we’re beginning a small, loving 12-theme rhythm for our individual (and collective?) emotional wellbeing through the year. Each month will have a soft, medium, and hard invitation. The rule is simple: take what serves you, leave the rest.
For January, we begin with R E G U L A T I O N.
I think, as young women, we often struggle with regulating our rich inner worlds. We’re taught, subtly and overtly, to be less expressive. Or, if we are expressive, to tone it down. Over time, our inner worlds don’t quite get the freedom or authenticity they need to feel at ease. Emotions start to swirl, get pushed down, or dim inside us, and we’re left wondering: What’s wrong with me? Am I enough? Am I too much?
But emotions are meant to be out there. They hold purpose. In our art, our advocacy, our workplaces, our families (chosen or otherwise), in how we move through the world. The language many of us grow up with—“too emotional,” “overreacting,” “don’t feel so much,” or fearing emotions altogether—is a lot to carry.
Speaking to many older women recently has made me realize that this theme stretches across a lifetime if we’re never given the tools, language, or permission to regulate and express. That’s part of why our collective exists, and now, this challenge.
So much of our health is about how we feel, what we do with what we feel, and whether we allow ourselves to heal.
There’s growing evidence linking long-term emotional suppression and dysregulation with chronic stress and autoimmune conditions. This may sound scary but I see this as permission. Permission to listen sooner, to take our emotions seriously, and to trust that small, consistent care can be deeply protective over time.
So, what is regulation?
At its simplest, it’s about learning to ‘manage’ our emotional experiences. One way to think about it is through the 4 Rs:
Recognize: noticing emotions as they arise… chest tightness after a passive-aggressive comment; sudden heaviness when you open Instagram; the irritation that isn’t really about the dishes, but about feeling unseen. Naming these: this is hurt, this is envy, this is grief, this is exhaustion.
Respond: choosing how we react… pausing before the long paragraph text; sleeping over it; social media detox; letting yourself cry in the shower instead of snapping at someone you love; choosing softness or distance or expression.
Reappraise: shifting how we interpret a situation. Maybe it’s not that you’re “too sensitive” but that something actually mattered. Maybe needing rest is information not laziness.
Reflect: making meaning from it. What keeps coming up for you lately? What patterns are asking to be noticed? What is this emotion protecting, longing for? Trying to teach?
And the 4 pillars:
self-awareness:
knowing when you’re close to burnout.
recognising your personal signs of overwhelm.
understanding what safety feels like in your body.self-management
giving yourself a break before you hit a breaking point.eating, sleeping, moving.
letting yourself step back when staying would cost too much.
social awareness
noticing when a space drains you versus holds you.understanding group dynamics, power, and emotional labour.
sensing when someone else’s mood is not yours to carry.
relationship management
communicating needs without apologising for having them.setting boundaries.
choosing connections that allow you to be fully human.
But of course, there is so much more. Regulation doesn’t exist in a vacuum. Many of us live in unequal, unsafe, or actively harmful environments, and regulation isn’t always accessible in those contexts, or wise. This matters in a world that teaches women to self-soothe endlessly while offering very little structural care.
Socio-politically, too, real empowerment is in treating emotions as agents of change: to express, to resist, to deviate from norms that shrink us. Emotions are powerful. They’re needed across our lifetimes—influencing how we treat ourselves and others, how we respond to injustice, climate change, poverty, and care. So much of our lives are rooted in feeling.
So, when possible, tending to our inner world, what is within our control, can be deeply grounding (Buddhism 101?) and valuable.
There’s also increasing research on co-regulation—the idea that when we’re around safety, our nervous systems soften too. Sometimes it’s not about doing more breathing exercises or fixing our every behaviour, but about being near someone who listens without rushing, doesn’t flinch at our feelings, shows us a new, safer pattern of existence. We may then borrow regulation before we can learn how to hold it on our own.
With that, here are some simple invitations for January:
The challenge
Hard: Choose a daily practice that helps you feel more regulated in your body (movement, meditation, breathwork, drawing—you decide).
Medium: Create a personal regulation kit and use it weekly. Examples: a playlist (songs that slow you down or help you feel held); a grounding object (ring, stone, soft toy, fabric, rosary, bracelet); a note to yourself; a warm drink ritual; a body-based anchor (stretch, pressure, humming, self-hug).
Soft: Once a day, place a hand on your chest or stomach and take three slow breaths. Then give yourself a self-hug.
Free resources on regulation
Be curious: A detailed Tumblr post / peer-led reflection that frames emotions as meaningful signals that give life colour, motivate action, help us connect with others, and communicate internally.
Study: Advanced Emotion Regulation (with practices & worksheets). A more structured, psychology-informed guide to regulating emotions—with practical exercises, reflections, and worksheets. Helpful if you like understanding why emotions work the way they do, and having something tangible to practice with.
Reset: Worst Case vs. Best Case Scenarios by Karina Farek. A gentle strategy for reducing anxiety. When you’re feeling nervous about something, ask yourself: What’s the best thing that could happen? What’s the worst thing? And what will most likely happen? It does wonders for the nervous system.
Browse: The Artism Spectrum, Resource Hub. A long-running Tumblr archive by an autistic author, artist, and advocate. Full of affirmations, coping tools, communication tips, stimmy things, and deeply relatable posts grounded in lived experience, like Communication Tips to Save Relationships.
Explore: Emotion Exploration Worksheets!
Play: REThink Game: An evidence-based online therapeutic game designed to support emotional awareness and regulation skills in young people.
Listen: Be The Conductor: Using Music to Navigate Your Emotions
Learn (critically): Polyvagal Theory
Be silly: Mood Quest is a light, online kids game where you guide a little character through emotional “quests.”
BONUS resource (slightly academic but really great read). On not taking the self seriously: Resilience, relatability and humour in young women’s Tumblr blogs. Drawing on feminist theory and emotional labour research, the author argues that young women are governed by “feeling rules”—unspoken rules about how we’re allowed to feel and how we’re allowed to express those feelings. Anger, despair, exhaustion, or resentment aren’t easily acceptable, so they transform into self-deprecating jokes, memes, online confessions. This humour creates connection and community. But it also points out a tension: these platforms encourage resilience and togetherness without fully allowing anger, grief, or structural critique. Regulation happens, but within boundaries of gender norms, productivity culture, digital limitations, and the attention economy.
I’d love to learn from you:
» what’s your favourite regulation hack?
» any small rituals, practices, or learnings you keep returning to?
» what does regulation mean to you, beyond science, logic, and conventional advice?
» something you’re proud of in how you’ve cared for yourself lately?
» any intentions you’re holding for this year?
Wishing you a regulated, sweet January. And a wholesome rest of 2026.
With care,
Muskan / mush